Thursday, July 11, 2013

MK, thank you for sharing such potent words!


 
This week I had the following scenario running thru my mind about the causes of the major disconnect between  HKBH and Klall Ysroel: 
 
Picture a person that you love so much and are so invested in, someone you think about and daven for and whose welfare is paramount in your mind.  One day that person tells you : 
"I know you don't love me".  CRASH

 
You are so taken aback - you are so bewildered - You don't know where to begin.
 
This is not a communication problem.  You cannot fix this by saying  :
"no I do love you".


You can say to yourself that the object of my love has some self esteem issues but diagnoses don't heal.  They explain. They describe. They don't heal.
 
And so you realize that the very framework on which the relationship stands is corroded.  The platform cannot carry the presence of the both of you.  It has already fallen apart.  It has split into two.  Everything - all of it - was based on the certainty of the love.  That certainty was the vehicle in which the two of you traveled as a team thru the ups and downs of life.  Three of the wheels are punctured.
 
With a heavy heart HKBH does the tough love thing.  OK go out into the big wide world and check out your options one by one.  Cross them off your list experimentally .   Maybe someone can love you better then me.   I had hoped that what I did for you in the MIDBAR would be enough.  But you are telling me no.  The lure of the promise of control offered to you by others is strong. 
 
What are the kinos?  the laments of my experiments .  Oh this one turned out so bad, oh was I disappointed, Oh was the end of this one devastating.  All roads lead to a dead end.  DEAD end.  And as I close each door,  close each fascination , turn off each seduction, sign off each beckoning , I clear the mind space for my memory .
 
  My memory is polished , My Neshama  more heard -SHEMA is taking place.  I turn my head to see more clearly the ONE who is waiting for me with HIS broken heart at the loss of me. 
 
And I know I am LOVED.
 
MK

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