Sunday, August 4, 2019

A letter about the nine days from:

The following is a translation from the strengthening letters to her friends, that was written with devotion and bravery by Hadassa Klein ע"ה
the letter's wordings was not changed and remain like it was intended, straight from the heart that the  שכינהis resting upon.

                                                 נלב"ע כ"ח תמוז תשע"ח

ד אב תשעז 

               What Is Mourning?

Mourning is the time given to us by our Sages to commune with our sadness, to sink in it, talk, to unload, to disengage from the world, to live with the grief and to digest the absent.
Ask anyone who sat Shiva on a loved one, and followed the customs of mourning, and he'll tell you the kindness that was done to us by the Sages, giving us the Shivamonth, and with parents the year.
The legitimate opportunity to sit and simply feel the pain, to delve into it, not to move on, just sit and talk. To talk about the deceased, to cling to the beautiful memories and to comprehended slowly that now it's over.
It's over, now there is a different reality, a very difficult one.
And with the unloading of the hard emotions to be given, somehow, the opportunity to recharge our strength and to continue with life despite the tremendous lose.
Such are the days of the three weeks.
The three weeks is a period of mourning, simple mourning. Once a year we are permitted to connect to our inner depression, to commune with our hardship that is consuming our minds, to take a deep breath, and to say, wow, how difficult.
And all the hardship is derived from  the Exile.
We were taught, and rightfully so, to live in happiness, to give ourselves the strength to be happy with what we have, to be grateful for the smallest of things, and this is wonderful.
But now, in mourning, it's different.
Now is the time that it's permitted to complain, to say that yes, there is a possibility of boundless bliss, blessing and abundance, no hardship, happiness and more happiness, good news, life of serenity and calm, contentment and truth, and much more.
But, what?
Fairly, we got used to this way of life, the slavery to hardship, to constant bad news, lack of ability to cope, the anxiety, insanity, the inability to accept difficult existence, the daily rush to satisfy ourselves and to give us strength.
We became accustomed to wallow in the mud, and also to enjoy it, perhaps with a bucket and a shovel to build a mud castle. And maybe to try and to slip into it and in an attempt to somehow enjoy it from the slipping perspective, but in reality it is mud, and there is a beautiful world outside.
And we are wallowing in the mud.
Once a year our Sages tell us, stop, think about the sorrow, go into the pain and the hardship. There is something really terrible here, and you're in the mud, you're in Exile.
I remember last year in the nine days, which was a very hard period for me in my illness, and I was dealing with many very difficult things. I was sitting by the Seuda Shlishit's table at my host's house in the U.S.A., where I get my treatments, and I say to them :"wow, finally it's Tisha B'av, at long last I'm allowed to be sad. If all the time I'm working on myself to be happy, now Ican relax from this hard job".
Tisha B'av came last year on Motzai Shabbos and already by Seuda Shlishit it was sunset, but not the end of Shabbos, and Iwanted to let myself be washed in a wave of sadness for all the previous generations, and my host asks me, please, DasiShabbos is not over yet, now be happy still. I smiled with all my strength, in the honor of Shabbos, but really I wanted to cry and not be consoled.
Two year ago, in the beginning stages of my illness in the nine days, I didn't understand what was so hard for me all these years, so hard not to take a shower in the nine days and all the other laws of mourning that were such a nuisances. really, I thought to myself, I don't even feel myself from all the craziness and fear.
But this year, I'll tell you secretly, that I got used to my illness, and not that I'm not normal, I know very well that I live in a very hard existence, but I got accustomed.
In the beginning my illness was horrible and terrifying, and rightfully so, I was used to the sane life more or less of before illness.
The fall into such terrible reality depressed me and depleted all my physical and emotional strengths, and I was bitter. Like a bird that her wings were cut off and she can't even flutter.
But today, two and half years later, B'H, I don't suffer any less than in the beginning, and it didn't get any easier, but what?
I got accustomed!!!!!!
Simply, I got used to living with the ongoing suffering and to find myself some enjoyment, used to the fact that I'm hardly functioning, and my house is a public domain with the help and recourses, used to the tight grasp of fear of death, used to the hard separation from the kids.
Yes, I simply got accustomed to, accustomed to everything.
In the beginning, our Forefathers didn't know how to be consoled. Our tongue  is glued to our palate, they said. They sat and cried when they remember Zion and begged with all their might: return us!!!
And today we simply got accustomed, accustomed to the long Exile, to the tragedies, hardship, anxiety, wars, illness and poverty and more and more.
Once in a while, when it's too much we cry, Aba!!! and that's it.
But, friends, this is Exile.
Habit is God's kindness, but now we are in mourning.
Let's commune with our hardship deep inside us, let the bitterness and the general pain of the whole nation, and the private pain of every single one of us wash over us, because now is the time.
This is the time of mourning.
Later the consolation will come, and we'll get stronger, hopefuland will receive energy. 
But, in order to receive strength we need to unload today, and to cry,
For a terrible, horrible destruction. 

 Thank you Reitza sarah for sending our way!

Saturday, August 3, 2019

nine days- final question and answer

(We actually answered question three in question two's post last week.  This week we are up to the final question)

What do I bring to the table that no one else can- How am I a messenger for Hashem in an individual/ singular way?

Someone told me that she was raised in a house that had tons of love but no rules.  She said that she never felt safe.  Hashem in His infinite wisdom- gave us a set of rules- to support us and give us a feeling of safety so that we could use His Torah as our bedrock foundation and from that safe space- express our individuality.

Step 1. Learn the rules
Step 2. Follow the rules
Step 3. Your individuality will sprout from that bedrock foundation.  Guaranteed.

IY'H all of the klal with each individual expression will meet at the third bayis- now!